If you’re like me, you need a refresher on your spouse’s love language rather frequently. I recently re-read Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages chapter on Words of Affirmation. Here are some notes:
Verbally affirm your spouse
- Verbal compliments
- Words of appreciation
- Statements of affirmation
- Encouraging words
- Encourage means “to inspire courage.”
- Inspire them
- Kind Words
- The manner in which we speak is exceedingly important!
- Tone matters.
- Don’t bring up past failures.
- Forgive and move on.
- Don’t pollute a potentially wonderful day with the failures of yesterday!
- Humble Words
- Make requests, not demands.
- Demands are parent to child. We are adults and equal partners.
- More ways to affirm
- Keep a notebook
- When you read an article or book on love, record the words used.
- When you overhear someone saying something positive about another person, write it down.
- Indirect – say positive things about your spouse when they’re not around. Tell your mother-in-law!
- Affirm your spouse in front of others when they are present.
- Publicly credit your spouse.
- Use written words – they can re-read them over and over!
- Suspend any and all complaints while you’re working on this!
- Try to express verbal appreciation (from a list if necessary) twice a week while you’re learning!
- Tips
- Put a sticky note on your mirror. “Words are Important!”
- Keep a journal of the words of affirmation you’ve used.
- Set a goal. Like “give a different compliment every day for a month.”
- Write words of affirmation you hear from TV, movies, books, or overheard in conversations. Keep your journal up!
- Write a love letter.
- Compliment in front of your spouse’s parents or friends.
- Write down your spouse’s strengths and let them know you appreciate those strengths.
- Tell your children how great their mother/father is.
I hope these notes serve you well as a refresher too!