Check out the latest Gary Chapman Love Language Minute:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/a-love-language-minute/id287679946?mt=2&i=1000428837426
This one hit me like a ton of bricks! My spouse has mentioned to me MANY times how much I nag and how opposite that is to her Words of Affirmation (WoA) love language.
Dr. Chapman makes a differentiation between nagging and encouraging words.
First, some definitions:
Nag: Anything you tell your spouse more than 3 times.
Encouraging: Focusing on what your spouse wants to do.
Nagging: Focusing on something you want them to do.
There’s a great example of this he goes through.
He also presents an alternative approach (which will be hard to implement but worthwhile):
Instead of nagging (mentioning something you want them to do 3 or more times), tell them 3 things you like about them then tell them the 1 thing you wish they would change. Back off and never mention it again.
John Gottman takes this one step farther and recommends a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.
I nag all the time! This is something I’d like to change! Anybody else struggling with the same thing?