Oh boy, oh boy is this a big deal!
Only one of these is an acceptable practice in a healthy relationship. With a Words of Affirmation (WoA) Love Language spouse, knowing when you’ve crossed the line into unhealthy territory is of great importance. Because words are so important, making sure you are within the bounds is crucial.
Here are some definitions to help:
- Complaint – We all have these and this is part of life. It is natural and healthy to voice complaints in your relationships. Just do so in a productive way (choose the right time, don’t start harshly, etc.)
- Criticism – This is when your complaint goes beyond the issue at hand and you begin to get into territory that targets the persons character or personality.
- Contempt – To me, this is criticism on steroids. There is no useful purpose for contempt other than to attack, disrespect, and demean and has no place in your life. In fact, this is one of John Gottman’s “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” in predicting if your marriage will fail.
How do you tell whether you’re voicing a valid complaint or you’ve gone too far?